I Would Like People To Understand What It Is To Lose A Child

What I want people to understand about losing a child is that no one is prepared for it.

It is therefore essential to enjoy every moment with your loved ones. Nothing in this life is safe, nothing is guaranteed, not even the fact that children outlive their parents.

If there is one aspect that stands out about all the people who have lived through this tragedy, it is the feeling of loneliness and incomprehension that they feel during the first moments.

Many feel isolated because they think no one can understand their pain.

Losing a child is feeling like a life plan and that our own dreams have vanished. However, there will always come a time when we find that life is worth living regardless, as it involves retaining the memory of this loved one.

First of all, it must be said that there are no strategies that can serve all of us in the same way, when it comes to dealing with mourning in the face of the loss of a child.

However, what you need to know is that we should never go through this stage alone. The family nucleus must remain united and support each other, while learning to live with this emptiness on a daily basis.

It is therefore important to take into account these little thoughts that we want to share with you in this article.

I have to fight every day against the paralysis of my mind, my body

Losing a child assumes that from night to morning the world stops. It is something unnatural that our mind cannot accept. And we remain static, airless, as if our soul had been taken from us….

The most common thought parents have is the classic “it doesn’t make sense”. Vital and emotional paralysis, as well as lack of motivation, can eventually become chronic suffering.

It is something that we must avoid. Our mind is unable to assimilate what is happening, hence the negations, blockage and stillness. However, the very process of grieving should help us deal with all of these emotions. 

We must avoid remaining too isolated, because loneliness pushes us to this same paralysis. It is vital that you can count on the help of family, friends and any healthcare professional to learn to accept.

I must learn to live with my sadness

To say that the death of a child is overcome is not true, for no one can pass over such an absence, a void that takes root in our own essence as a person.

• The death of a child is taken up, cried and accepted. We learn to live with this emptiness, but we realize that this sadness will always remain in our heart.
• Believe it or not, there comes a day when the pain is no longer so heart-wrenching, and we can breathe without it hurting us so much, walk without the soul weighing us down so much and breathe without the heart. hurts us too much.
• To live again is to honor the memory of the person who is no more. Love for her transcends us despite the sadness.

I must not neglect my spouse

Losing a child means that a couple’s vital and family project suddenly becomes orphaned. The void is immense and the links are no longer the same, but that should not lead us to abandon this project.

• It is necessary to avoid guilt and blame. In these situations, even silence can be harmful and destructive.

• We must respect the way each person grieves. There are those who have better strategies and who are able to open up. Conversely, others need time “to be able to react”. This is something you have to understand.
• Intimacy, commitment and passion are three pillars that must be present in the couple’s circle. If we continue to nurture them, the relationship will continue. If we are empty, or if we blame ourselves, estrangement will inevitably occur.

Losing a child and not neglecting others

Children experience death differently from us. We should not neglect their own way of seeing death, especially if they are between 6 and 10 years old.

Death is something that no one understands, that adults view with anger and children with confusion.

Death does not always allow you to say goodbye, hence the interest in giving importance to the memory, to the daily tenderness, and to the memory of the person.

It is advisable that children express their words. It is good to listen to their doubts and foster their emotional relief without hiding your own suffering. The pain must take shape in order to be released and channeled.

It is important to start having daily projects again, to allow yourself to laugh again with the children, honoring the memory of the one who is no more.

We will learn to live without this child but we will never give up this privileged corner in our heart.

Life will be different after this loss, of course, but it’s important to allow yourself to be happy again. You should never feel guilty about it. 

Provided by Lucy Campbell, Claudia Tremblay