Nothing Belongs To You: Enjoy What Life Gives You
Attachment is understood as a bond, a very strong emotional bond that determines the development of personality, the way we relate to others, to everything around us and even the way we view life. However, there is a downside to attachment, and that is, nothing is ours.
Some form of attachment is needed. It is, for example, the one who needs a stable figure in the first years of life for a correct cognitive and emotional development later. On the contrary, precarious attachment is an attachment that fills us with anxiety and fear in the face of the object or person for whom we feel it. In fact, all relationships have some attachment component, although not all types are healthy.
Some of our relationships can make us anxious about losing them. To avoid it, we must remember that all that life has given us is just a loan. Appreciation is the first step towards a secure attachment to the people around us. The same goes for work, vacations and any current situation.
Nothing is yours: life lends it to you
Having relationships in which we feel safe is not a gift, but an art that takes will and practice. When a relationship is only maintained out of habit, and there are no other reasons that give it meaning and transcendence, we would be faced with an insecure attachment. The ideal for our mental hygiene would be to put an end to this situation.
If we don’t learn to let go, if we don’t, the consequences will be very negative. If attachment can overtake us and we remain attached, attached to our dreams, our fantasies and our illusions, the suffering will grow steadily and our sadness will be our traveling companion. Buddha, in one of his famous quotes, pointed out that the origin of suffering is precisely attachment.
However, not all attachments are bad, there are some that are necessary and useful. A secure attachment is based on knowing how to enjoy what we have right now, without needing it to stay by our side in order to feel good. If we look at what makes us suffer with a new simplicity, we will understand that it is not this object that makes us suffer, but the way we cling to it.
Our problem with attachment is that we perceive things as permanent entities. In the pursuit of our goals, we use aggression and competition as supposedly effective tools, and we destroy ourselves more and more in the process. Therefore, to avoid this, it is necessary that you understand that nothing is permanent, but life lends it to you.
Dependence on independence
Our cultural context invites us to live according to other people : parents, children, romantic partners…. From an early age we were taught the idea of romantic love, one in which the members of the couple cannot and should not live apart from each other. However, the addiction to romantic relationships is very harmful, which makes us completely emotionally incompetent.
Addiction, like any other construct, is neither good nor bad in itself. To some extent, it is still present in our lives. This is something we should all admit to the world and to ourselves, as it would lead us to recognize and acquire healthier ways of relating to others.
Today, there is a tendency to view addiction with a certain contempt as a sign of weakness. But if we stop for a few minutes to reflect, almost every aspect of our life is the result of the efforts of others. Our precious and magnificent independence may be more of an illusion or a fantasy than a tangible fact. To enjoy a happy life, we need friends, good health and material goods; oddly enough, areas in which we depend on others.
Our need for others is paradoxical. While in our culture we extol the fiercest independence, we also yearn for intimacy and connection with a special and beloved person. The secret, then, is to love but not to need, so remember: nothing is yours, life lends it to you, start enjoying what you have.
Our thoughts Many people are only able to form insecure attachment bonds. In other words, this type of attachment is the one in …
