The Characteristics Of Philophobia, Or The Fear Of Love
The characteristics of philophobia highlight a very specific type of phobia. That of developing any type of emotional bond with a person. There are those who point out that behind this behavior, there may be a history of violence in the home, the mark of the parents’ divorce, etc. However, reality tells us that is not always the case. In addition, sometimes there is no clear and precise explanation.
How is it possible ? What is it that makes a man or a woman feel real fear of feeling this seemingly wonderful emotion? If for a good part of the population, falling in love is as exciting as it is intense, for others it is frightening. On the other hand, and although some think that this type of phobia could be the result of our current society, in reality, it is a phobia that has always existed.
For example, Elizabeth I of England, known as the Virgin Queen, is often considered one of the most famous personalities who suffered from philophobia. It is said that his refusal to marry could be “the consequence” of what happened to his mother. Anne Boleyn was executed by her father, King Henry VIII, for falling in love with another man.
Now we know that Elizabeth I of England herself came to have several lovers. But as she herself explained, she preferred to exclude love from her life. And decided never to marry. She couldn’t imagine her life united with another person. Philophobia marked its reign in the same way that this phobia conditions the daily life of many people.
The characteristics of philophobia or the fear of love
Philophobia arises in different ways. No two cases are the same, nor is there a model that can be used to make a simple diagnosis. In fact, if we looked for this condition in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM), we would see that it simply appears as a social phobia.
Subject matter experts like Dr Scott Dehorty of the Delphi Behavioral Health Group in Maryland tell us that features of philophobia show up in both men and women. There are no biological or generic factors that explain it, but it often appears simply because of a bad relationship experience with a former partner.
From there arises the fear, the fear that the same thing will happen, of suffering again, of being hurt. Gradually the fear becomes a phobia and, as we know, with the appearance of a phobia can appear other problems like anxiety disorders, depression, social isolation, drug use, etc.
Let us see, however, what are the main characteristics of philophobia.
The philophobic as a couple
When we think of philophobia, we almost immediately visualize those people who at all costs escape commitment and an emotional relationship. Now, you have to know that there are those who take the step and get into a relationship, but yes, the relationship is very harmful.
- In the latter cases, people behave cold, harsh, inaccessible with a strong need for control. In addition, they tend to be jealous and possessive. It all shows the fear and the deep insecurity behind it all.
- They also have low self-esteem. They do not know how to communicate, they do not give in, do not have empathy … Philophobic couples are great emotional saboteurs. Their own insecurity creates abysses. This fear of a real commitment, of giving of themselves to others, leads them to build relationships full of ups and downs.
Features of philophobia in people who avoid any kind of relationship
On the other hand, there are philophobes who avoid any kind of relationship at all costs. These people don’t just shy away from engagement. They also put aside the possibility of having a partner, of allowing themselves to feel affection, of passion, of falling in love. In this case, they avoid any emotional connection whatsoever, such as friendship.
While the previous type of philophobia was particularly harmful, it is very destructive to those who suffer from it. It is a type of social phobia that is often accompanied by isolation, generalized anxiety, panic attacks, as well as various personality disorders.
On the other hand, it should be noted that the features of philophobia in this case also show physical symptoms. When someone tries to be a little close to her, to establish a bond of affection, camaraderie or friendship, she feels uncomfortable, tachycardic, sweats, and experiences great discomfort.
What are the treatments for philophobia?
Treatment options for people who exhibit the aforementioned characteristics of philophobia often vary widely. Sometimes, and depending on the intensity of the phobia, it is enough to change your lifestyle. Or to follow a very specific type of therapy: exposure therapy, where you can work on anxiety from certain scenes or situations that the therapist poses.
In other cases, medication may sometimes be necessary. Especially if the person is already suffering from social isolation, depression, high anxiety, etc. However, in general we are faced with some kind of phobia. Therefore, approaches like cognitive behavioral therapy are often very helpful.
It will help us to identify the fears, to change the thoughts, beliefs and negative reactions linked to the origin of the phobia. Either way, there is a cure and if there is a firm commitment from the patient, a marked improvement can be seen. Philophobia can disappear to make room for a better quality in our relationships.
Our thoughts The secret to a lasting and happy relationship is: knowing how to offer yourself. In this article, we invite you to think about that.
