How To Face Motherhood And Not Die Trying
Motherhood is a vital stage of happiness, fatigue, changes and expectations that we will have to learn to master. Confronting motherhood can cause us to be overwhelmed, to be truly satisfied, or to experience a phase where these two types of moments coexist.
We guessed the changes to come as we waited for the baby to come into the world. We thought we were prepared for it. However, many people feel overwhelmed after the baby is born. The arrival of a baby generates a lot of joy and excitement. However, in addition to positive emotions, such a change sweeps away routines and priorities. It turns absolutely everything upside down.
To feel that such a change is destabilizing us does not mean that we were unprepared. It is simply a process which, because of its magnitude, challenges us. As with all processes of such transcendence, we need time to adjust to the changes that are occurring.
We are people who have added an important role to our life. so that looking for balance may seem impossible, especially during the first few months. But we can do it. We must therefore find a balance between our different roles in order to fully enjoy motherhood.
How to face motherhood
There is no one way to face motherhood. Indeed, we could say that there are as many as there are fathers or mothers. There are, however, some issues we should be aware of, especially if we don’t want times of anxiety and disorientation to be too frequent or too intense.
Do not try to integrate external criteria
Motherhood comes with many pressures and prejudices. Stereotypes and criticisms that seem to draw a hard line between what is good and what is not. What makes you a good mother or not. Don’t fall for such nonsense … In any event, if anyone has to figure out what is right or wrong, it’s the pediatrician.
Don’t focus on what motherhood should be. Focus instead on what motherhood is for you. Give it a clean, personal meaning. Indeed, it will be very difficult for you to feel good, to have the feeling of being in agreement with what you are doing, if your motherhood is built on external criteria. The basis of motherhood is love. And true love is always natural. Therefore, follow your criteria and your intuition. Build your own definition of a mother and you will probably find the best mom for your child.
Joint responsibility
Mom and Dad are different, but just as capable, necessary and competent. If we assume that both spouses want the best for their child, why don’t mothers delegate and / or trust their spouses’ abilities?
Women often take on all the responsibilities of motherhood. They don’t let fathers get involved in the education and care of babies with the same intensity. This is unfair. But we do complain nonetheless. We sometimes do not feel the necessary involvement from our partner.
Maintaining either of these two situations is a mistake. Let’s avoid discomfort and resignation. The responsibility for the care of the baby is not that of one person (if we are talking about two-parent families). It is indeed very important that we distribute this great responsibility fairly in practice.
Be assertive
You have a baby and those around you seem to have not one, but twenty masters in maternity. Others tell you, repeat and even insist that you do things this way or that. It doesn’t matter if they’ve seen you for five minutes or two hours, because everyone knows what’s best for your baby. They even allow themselves to correct or criticize you.
It won’t stop unless you set clear boundaries … So it is best that you do this as soon as possible. The father and mother are the people responsible for the physical and emotional well-being of the baby. They must meet the needs of the latter. So find a way to express the things that are bothering you clearly and politely. Send the message that your spouse and / or you are making the decisions. Protect your motherhood through respect. So don’t allow disrespect to be camouflaged in advice and opinions.
Let go of the guilt
Guilt is an emotion that comes easily to mothers. The guilt of not being able to breastfeed. That of leaving him at daycare. That of arriving late, of not taking more advantage of motherhood, of being sad… An endless guilt.
Guilt can become a dead end. It is not constructive. It rarely leads to anything positive. Therefore, change the guilt for the responsibility and solutions. If you think you are wrong, try to do better next time. If there is nothing you could do to avoid it, then you have no responsibility. So it makes no sense to feel guilty here. And if you’re feeling sad, irritable, or feeling like you’re not enjoying motherhood… stop . Analyze yourself. Get help if you need it and start over.
Time for you
Being a good mother doesn’t mean being with the baby around the clock. We often don’t allow ourselves to part with the baby because we don’t believe it is necessary or because we feel that leaving him in other hands makes us bad parents. Coping with motherhood successfully will also depend on not giving up on ourselves as unique and independent people. We don’t have to give up our professional careers, our friendships, our spouse or our hobbies. No . Rather, we must learn to organize ourselves and adapt to the new challenges we face.
We don’t stop being a person when we become a mother. We should not give up on ourselves, stop taking care of ourselves, or give up other areas of our life. It is necessary to feel good about ourselves in order to feel good as mothers. Happy mothers and fathers raise happy children. It’s a fact. So don’t neglect yourself. Indeed, even though motherhood is precious and important, there is life beyond your role as a mother.
Don’t compare yourself
Motherhood is popularly sold as something wonderful, a once in a lifetime experience. And that’s true. But motherhood is also a very difficult stage where everything changes. We can therefore feel overwhelmed by motherhood, feel that it is different from what we expected, that we will not be able to cope … We can also feel alone in this spiral of negative emotions and believe that others mothers are beautiful and happily ever after.
All that glitters is not gold. But the important thing is that even if it did, it didn’t matter. Because if you are you, with your circumstances. And the motherhood equation leaves no room for comparison. Facing motherhood in a healthy way is to feel the protagonist of our experience and give the best of ourselves while forgetting the rest. What other mothers do doesn’t make you a better or worse mother. Motherhood is not a contest.
There are endless ways to be the best mother
There are as many ways to face motherhood as there are mothers in the world. So, the best way to deal with it is to do as you see fit. Let go of unnecessary pressure and enjoy it your way .
A new person inaugurates the world and begins to build his own. It is important that we understand that insecurities, doubts and bad days are part of motherhood, and of life. It is also important to allow ourselves to feel and accept that all the emotions associated with an experience as intense as motherhood do not have to be positive. It would even be strange if it were so.
Motherhood is a gem in the rough that we polish day after day. Let us not forget that before being mothers, we are people. Recall -n e that we are the central axis of our lives, the pillar on which our children build their own. Facing motherhood in a healthy way is sometimes nothing more than practicing generosity with yourself.
Our thoughts You are not a bad mother if you give love to your child. And neither are you if you make a few mistakes!
