Caresses Cannot Be Eaten, But They Nourish

The world we live in exposes us to situations where it is difficult to intervene because they are largely beyond our control. This is the case with unemployment, terrorist threats or even climate change.

This is why we need affective and emotional stimuli that comfort us in ever colder and more distant environments. We need caresses …

This doesn’t mean that all we need is a permanent list of tips on how to deal with our emotions, nor that it is best to find opportunities to clear our minds.

Both are important (the opportunities and the advice), but they are kept short if with them we only pretend to feed our hearts.

“More tenderness brings caress. Slow, the hands linger, come back, and also contemplate. ”

-Jorge Guillén-

In fact, the stimuli that keep us strong are all those that make us feel recognized and appreciated.

Caresses are the food par excellence that our mind needs to grow and be more resistant to problems.

The world of caresses

The world of caresses is not only made up of physical friction (even if the latter are a fundamental part of this universe).

It also counts the words and all those affectionate gestures that we can afford. There are looks and voices that caress with their warmth. There are words that are like a caress for the soul.

In fact, in trans-personal psychology, it is considered that caresses can also be “negative” ; we are thinking here of insincere gestures of recognition, as well as gestures of rejection or hostility.

How can these attitudes be considered as hugs? They are because they imply a recognition of the other, although negative.

At the opposite extreme of the world of caresses there is total indifference, resulting in ignorance of the existence of the other.

Anyway, the caresses that can nourish and enrich are those that can be called “authentic caresses”.

Hunger for caresses

Caresses are so important to human beings that a person can also get sick and die if they do not receive a minimum of them, especially in the first years of their life. The lack of caresses can sadden, then depress, then kill.

In the world we live in, there seems to be a huge appetite for petting, which is not at all conscious.

All acts geared towards getting other people’s attention are likely to start from hunger for hugs. It’s a way of shouting “I’m here”.

It is a way of asking others to acknowledge our existence, because, ultimately, we are evolved mammals, who are in desperate need of others.

To stroke and to be stroked

We don’t all know how to stroke, and not all of us allow to be stroked. In fact, few are those who are sufficiently trained in this particular art. The question that then arises is: if we all need caresses, why do some stand in the way of the path that makes them possible?

The answer is unique: out of fear. It is fear that leads us to lift great barriers between ourselves and others; to show ourselves as perfectly autonomous and independent beings, even when we ardently desire to forge intimate bonds with others.

It is generally believed that the ideal lies in complete independence and in the absence of conditioning on the part of others.

What is certain is that this idea has spread so much that many struggle daily to make this fantasy come true, as if the struggle to defend independence could eternally nourish this fantasy, characteristic of adolescents.

While this can be seen as a great virtue in some areas, what is certain is that the emotional price to pay is very high.

Truly strong people are not born out of rough treatment or overindulgence. Quite the contrary.

Those who can count on a stable entourage are able to lavish hugs, and benefit from a certain confidence as well as the emotional resources necessary to face adversity.

To caress and to be caressed, it is a recourse which makes us mature and which embellishes our life.