How Not To Be Hurt By The Critics?

Sometimes we may wonder how some people ignore the criticisms leveled against them.

Maybe they have the power to go deaf whenever they want? No of course not. So how do they manage to be so strong?

What differentiates people who are impervious to criticism and those who are sensitive to it is theirs. While some rationalize criticisms and refute them when they deem them unjustified or impertinent, others construct a self-discourse dominated by negative thoughts that negatively impact their morale and attitude, and destabilize their own self-esteem.

Here is an example.
Pedro and Carlos meet in a nightclub to pick up a few girls. Pedro is more shy than Carlos, and even though they both want to chat and dance with girls, Pedro is scared that a girl might reject him, when that wouldn’t unsettle Carlos, who after 10 minutes would cast already his sights on another girl. During the evening, Carlos therefore hit on more girls than Pedro.

Here is another example: Maria lives in Madrid and wants to create her business to emancipate herself and enjoy her independence. Laura, who lives in Barcelona, ​​also makes this decision. Suppose, even though they don’t know each other and therefore are not in contact, the conditions on Maria’s side and Laura’s side are the same. When Maria shared her project with her companion and her friends, they criticized the idea, convinced that it was not going to work even though nothing was yet in place. She therefore decided to give up and not to materialize her project. Laura received the same criticisms, but that didn’t stop her from starting her business, while on her side, Maria still doesn’t know what to do with her life.

What can we learn from all of this? The fear of being criticized, the fear of being rejected or of looking ridiculous, it’s all in the head. Carlos and Laura weren’t taken off by the reviews because they didn’t see them as a personal failure, but rather as the opportunity to try to achieve something and be able to improve it.

Unlike Pedro and Maria, for Carlos and Laura, criticism is not synonymous with rejection.

. If someone criticizes us unfairly, it will not affect us. The erroneous comments of others cannot harm us, since the error is ours, and not that of the other.

But the opposite case is also possible ; if someone criticizes us in a justified way in relation to something that we may have done or inappropriate behavior that we may have had, this should not be a reason for sadness, bitterness or anguish either. .

Criticisms can also be constructive : we must therefore accept them, keep them in mind and seek other alternatives or strategies to achieve our ends. Whether or not the criticisms are justified, it is our state of mind that ultimately makes them prejudicial.

1) have a positive attitude

Most of the time, it is never a pleasure to receive a review; in general, we put ourselves on the defensive, and we try to dismantle the arguments of the other by erecting great linguistic walls, very often ambiguous. It is therefore very important to try to put yourself in the shoes of the other, namely the person who is speaking the criticism.

To do this, you need to show a little empathy and have a positive attitude. If we put ourselves in the other’s shoes, and therefore if we take into account their vision of things, then perhaps we will be able to better understand their behavior.

Being positive in the face of criticism  makes it possible to be more docile, open and ready to dialogue as well as to listen to others. Having a positive attitude means not raising your voice, and asking questions when you do not understand something or when you feel that the other is not giving us all the information necessary to understand what is happening. ‘he certifies.

2) Find Common Ground Through Criticism

What we mean by that is recognizing that there is some truth in the criticisms that are made of us. It is almost always possible to find some truth in the arguments of the other, because there are also “semi-unjustified” criticisms. If there is any part of the truth, then it is good to recognize it in the face of the one who stated it. If there is none, then it is better not to say anything than to lie.

By making sure to find common ground, we prove to the other that we take their words into account, and we avoid entering into a discussion made solely of criticism and defensive arguments.

3) Say what we think and dialogue

When we say what we think, it is very important not to overlook certain points so as not to destroy the other. For that, we can try to use the least ambiguous language possible, and to concentrate on the facts.

Avoiding putting labels on others and admitting the possibility that we may also be wrong are two important elements in being aware of the possible mistakes we make.