How To Avoid Toxic People Who Make Life Difficult For Us

“It is not the weeds that choke the seeds,

but the negligence of the peasant. ”

(Confucius)

On a daily basis, we can cross paths with a very large number of jealous, immature, paranoid, childish and selfish people. These people are commonly referred to as “toxic people”.

They can have different characteristics, while keeping one thing in common: they do not bring or generate anything positive in a romantic or friendly relationship.

By definition, they destroy any attempt to create healthy and respectful bonds for each party.

They attract and bring bad vibrations, so nothing satisfies them. Besides, they don’t like anything. These people therefore absorb you psychologically to push you to do things that only benefit them.

Psychologist Albert J. Bernstein, author of the book “ Breaking Free from Affective Vampires ”, explains that the most difficult thing about a relationship with a toxic person is that they take all of our energy and barely give us time. to breathe and understand the situation.

According to Bernstein, these people are adept at building relationships with a high absorption rate, and they are true masters at the art of intoxication.

It is therefore difficult to identify them visually, without knowing the complexity of their personalities, until you spend time with them, and you end up always feeling the same negative emotions such as apathy, exhaustion, frustration, stress or the relief of finally being alone.

When we talk about these types of people, something very usual happens in our society. We create a different perception of reality for ourselves, denying that these people are “emotional vampires”, especially when it comes to our spouse, friend or family member.

When we talk about these situations, we sometimes even go so far as to blame ourselves by accepting this situation unconsciously. These thoughts lead to a toxic and unhealthy relationship.

Consenting to such discomfort will only lead to disrespect from others as they know they can take advantage of you and abuse your trust.

Several social studies, including the work of the psychoanalyst Dominique Barbier, “ The factory of the perverse man ,” explain to us scientifically why we live in a society which favors the expansion of this type of toxic personalities.

“Toxic personalities are also contagious and help generate a kind of social paranoia, ” explains Barbier.

On the other hand, in an interview for the Spanish newspaper El Confidencial, psychiatrist and psychoanalyst Marie-France Hirigoyen asserts the social theory that “you have to be a good manipulator to be successful in life.”

All this pushes us to use each other as vulgar instruments that we forget once our goals have been achieved.

However, to enjoy a good quality of life, you have to avoid getting to this point. For this, we would like to share with you this video which explains how to detect toxic people:

It is also important to take into account the following clues, which may indicate that you are dealing with an “emotional vampire” on a social and psychological level:

1. They demonstrate a great psychological capacity to detect the fears and fantasies of the people they take as victims.

They can make you believe that with them, anything is possible, and thus manipulate you more easily. In this way, they know how to adapt their behavior to perfection according to the victim.

2. They can turn a situation around with great skill, perfectly crafting a false victimization, because they make you feel that you are the executioner and that they are the victims.

3. They are experts at transforming reality by means of lies, by using double talk. They can combine the use of insults and flattery in the same sentence.

4. They do not respect the autonomy of others and they impose their own criteria.

5. Their principles change depending on the goal they want to achieve.

6. Usually they never feel guilty.

7. This type of person has a great capacity for mental strategy. They are not very creative but constant when it comes to achieving their goals.

8. These people often have an inconsistency between what they say and what they do.  They probably make selfless judgments and values, but when it comes time to take action, their actions are selfish because they serve a personal interest.

In a relationship with these kinds of people, you have to be aware of the importance of having empathy and of trying to understand those around you at all times, to bring unconditional love, and to remember that we we are all human beings with different and unique lives that cause us to act in certain ways.