I Broke Into A Thousand Pieces Like I Was Made Of Glass

I shattered into a thousand pieces as if I were made of glass. As if pretending to be strong had destroyed me from the inside and now, aware of the pain I was feeling, I had lost everything that made me a Unique and whole “I”.

Now sad, empty and alone, knowing the truth behind the shadows of the universe I had created for myself to live my dream, to protect myself, I understood the true meaning of the word “suffering”. A word that ceased to be silent to produce a terrifying sound.

Suffering is no longer a 10-letter word, nor even represents visible wounds; suffering translates into hopes buried in the grave of realities. That’s why I shattered into a thousand pieces, because reality was tearing my soul apart and my dreams were far from being able to fuel my illusions.

“If I could relive my life,
I would try to make more mistakes.
I wouldn’t be so obstinate in trying to be perfect, and just relax more.
My life would be crazier than it really was,
so there would be few things that I would take seriously. ”

– Nadine Stair –

It is said that we do not live on illusions, but that on the contrary, sometimes we die of them. We die of it, because our imagination creates from scratch this world where, in a rather near future, what today is an illusion will be reality. Now, never rely on the stones littering your path, or else, if you rely on them, then see how small and surmountable they are.

The stones of the way, the obstacles that you keep within you and which are part of you, of your interior. Yes, these are barriers, but often you are the one creating them. Because all illusion hides an obscure face that does not want to show itself, as if it were the other face of the moon itself.

We are talking to you about this dark part, this part which torments you but which at the same time does not know you, this unconscious part which binds you and holds you against your will. That part of you that keeps you from moving forward. That part of you that hurts you, even kills you in the face of the slightest adversity.

Because you are not only looking to realize your illusions but also your uncertain dreams and future projects. This is why this part kills, this is why we die of illusions, because we cannot always make them come true and these illusions, these dreams and these unrealized projects then turn into poison when pushed too hard. That’s when I realized this, that’s when I broke into a thousand pieces and the anxiety consumed me.

The anxiety consumed me because the fear monster came to visit me. But it wasn’t just any monster; it was the worst monster, it was the worst fear, it was the fear of failure. And in front of her, I could only start to tremble.

I was shaking because my world was falling apart, because I had no future goals to aim for yet. I was shaking because nothing I dreamed of, none of my illusions would come true. That’s why I broke into a thousand pieces, like I was made of glass, I sharpened every piece that was left of me. As I built myself my most powerful weapon, I told myself that it was as deterrent as scaring off any threat.

But what an illusion! I thought that being destroyed and broken and having to struggle should have made me feel better. However, it is not the one who defends himself the best, but the one who builds himself the best and who, faced with a solid base, advances day after day with a firm step in the face of what the he can meet on the way.

Now, if I broke into a thousand pieces and had the big monster of fear of failure in front of me, how could I have been weak in life and asked for help in order to to get better? What if I lost one more piece? What if it wasn’t to recompose myself that I needed, but to learn to struggle?

Yes, I broke into a thousand pieces, and it took me a while to recognize it. I wasn’t weak, I never was, and yet I hurt myself on my own. I branded myself with a hot iron that it was a failure, and why it had become the greatest of my fears. But it was not only me, it is also because of what will be said if now I am afraid.

The one who struggles without looking behind him / her is courageous, but the one who recognizes his / her fears and who, precisely because he / she knows them and is fully aware of them, can learn from them. It is the one who asks for help in order to have the necessary weapons to know them. Yes, I asked for help, so I am very brave for it.

Through the help I asked for and was given, I learned that I was my own obstacle and my own limit, for I was the one who made my monsters. Yes, I broke into a thousand pieces trying to give a very particular image of myself; So I created for myself a world filled with illusions and dreams, a world with a future that was totally foreign to me, even though I strongly believed in the fact that this world could be a safe bridge allowing me to cross the abyss. of uncertainty.

Now, and thanks to all the lessons that I have been able to draw from this experience, little by little I have recomposed myself. Like the broken vases whose pieces are glued together, I keep scars and imperfections, I stay me. But a new me, today devoid of all pressures and its greatest fear. Failure only has the meaning you want to give it. I learned from all this, and today I am no longer afraid.