I Never Lose: Either I Win Or I Learn

When we lose something or someone, and behind the pain, confusion, and pride, there is a lesson that will heal us on its own. The conception of loss is linked to the capricious interpretations of our ego. Depending on how we relate to ourselves, we will see the loss as a trick of fate or as one more situation to overcome. This is what Charles Dickens, English writer and novelist, wrote: I learn from every failure I needed to learn.

No one is prepared for difficult experiences. It is losses and failures that prepare us and teach us things. Losses transform us into fuller and whole people, teaching us a part of life,  even as our ego places its hopes in other aspirations.

We are all going to suffer the loss  of someone in our family, friend, spouse, and not facing it or unwilling to accept it is the real problem. We know these things are going to happen, and when they do, we’ll all get something out of it. On the other hand, many lessons will undoubtedly be as painful as they are valuable.

How can we come out stronger from a loss?

Suffering is an aspect of life that cannot go away, just as the influence of chance or death cannot be ruled out. Without them, life would not be complete. This is why the pain from the loss of family members or loved ones is a pain that is part of the process of life: without it, life would not be life. In this case, acceptance is the key so that the natural pain caused by these losses does not become a continuous and widespread suffering over the long term, which puts us into a disadaptive state.

In Viktor Frankl’s wonderful book The Man in Search of Meaning , we see loss from a more humanistic and adaptive perspective. The way in which Man accepts his destiny and all the suffering it entails adds a deeper meaning to his life. Even under the most difficult circumstances, he can retain his worth, his dignity, his generosity. Or he can forget his human dignity and turn into a destructive animal.

Very often, it is precisely an exceptionally difficult external situation,  the loss of a loved one, a breakup in love,  which gives Man the opportunity to grow spiritually and to transcend his limits. Anyone who loses faith in their future is doomed, will abandon themselves and become an object on which physical and mental apathy rests.

The only thing we cannot lose is ourselves. This is what we need (and can) take care of first.

I learn, with every loss, something that I needed to learn

What we learn from the loss of someone or something is not always positive. We also need to learn from the negative part that loss leaves behind. For example, in emotional breakdowns, the loss leaves an almost indelible mark on the ego, which remains present even when the feelings no longer have a flame. Therefore, we need to learn from all the bad things that loss entails and focus on the positive things that will come after this situation.

From the moment we are born, we learn to own things and be close to those we love in order to find safety. However, few of them give us any clues about what to do or feel as we lose or part with a loved one. The main causes of the pain that accompanies the loss of a loved one, a relationship, a dream or something material are the attachments and fears that we have adopted or generated during our lifetimes.

In order to overcome the losses and come out of it growing up, it is good to look what comes in the eye. Moreover, the most valuable that we can identify is the learning that comes from losses, which are there to give us back our strength and our desire to move forward.