Knowing How To Protect Yourself From Difficult People

When we have to deal with difficult people every day, it is essential to know how to protect yourself or your mental health may take a hit. Arguments, criticisms, blackmail, harmful environment… It is not always possible to keep a sufficient distance or to convince these people to act differently. What if you have to deal with such a person on a daily basis at work or even within your own family?

The most important thing is to know how to protect yourself. However, very often our reaction is self-defense, the construction of barriers, to think of strategies of attack or simple survival. But thus we are perhaps forgetting the most fundamental thing. Our own well-being. When we neglect ourselves, our own mental and emotional energy is consumed. Quickly we fall to minimum energy levels. And finally, we find ourselves completely unprotected.

First of all, there is one remarkable point which deserves to be considered on this subject. Sociologists like Shira Offer of Bar-Ilan University in Israel tell us that many of the people we consider “difficult” are very close. It could be, for example, a very demanding child or even our father, our mother, a brother or even a sister.

We would obviously like it to be simpler. May things flow by themselves and our daily life alongside them be more satisfying. But this is not always possible… However, we must not resign ourselves to suffering. There are strategies. All of these strategies have one essential thing in common. Start by acting on yourself.

Let’s see how to do this.

What to do when dealing with difficult people?

Difficult people can reveal the complexity of their character in many different ways. There are those who argue over everything. Others avoid all responsibility and do not cooperate in any way. There are also those who spread rumors. Finally, there are those who live in a pit of negativity. Now, beyond their personality and what they do or don’t do, the important thing is how their behavior affects us.

First, let’s take the case of this hyper-perfectionist colleague who annoys us and who we always try to avoid. There are those who see no problem with him. Why ? Everyone has their limits and their own way of dealing with human complexity. Therefore, before focusing on the other, the first step should also be to ask yourself exactly what is bothering us about the other. Is it his disrespect or his attitude maybe? Is this something beyond me for a specific reason?

In this context, Dr. Shira Offer, of Bar-Ilan University, Israel, carried out a study and demonstrated several things. The first is that when we are around difficult people, we are under a high level of stress. Gradually, we develop total and utter discomfort with these people. We do not always know very well what we do not like concretely about him because what we seek at all costs is to avoid him.

However, and this is the problem, it is not always possible to run away from these difficult people. Sometimes we are forced to work or share common spaces with them.

Knowing how to protect yourself from passive stress

Howard Friedman and Ronald Riggio from the University of California conducted a study in which they discuss the impact of passive stress. What does this term mean and how does it apply to difficult people? We will figure it out right away. When we are forced to live with complex profiles whether they are adversaries, critics or demanding, the behavior of others always ends up affecting us.

So the simple act of observing a stressed person, co-worker, or very negative or critical family member ends up making a dent in our own nervous system. This is what we call passive stress. It leaves after-effects and harms our health.

Therefore, when you are dealing with difficult people, knowing how to protect yourself is essential. This daily exercise is like strengthening a mental muscle which will act as a wall against the impact of these people’s behavior. So, among the practices to which we should devote time and effort, we recommend the following:

• Give yourself time for yourself: time when you don’t think about these difficult people
• Learn stress management techniques:  deep breathing, progressive Jacobson muscle relaxation, mindfulness …

Protect yourself to remember what deserves our attention and what does not

As the old saying goes, “ Things affect you as much as you care about them ”. There is a lot of wisdom in this sentence. However, it is not always easy to apply in our daily reality. Indeed, we would like to be less affected by certain things, but when certain complex people violate our rights and freedoms, it is very difficult to maintain that serenity.

In this case, knowing how to protect yourself is again the key. Indeed, well-being also means remembering the need to set limits. Knowing how to protect and defend yourself when necessary. Well-being also means knowing how to control our emotions, give importance to what really matters, and distract from those who don’t deserve it.

Ultimately, having a clear idea of ​​ourselves, remembering our values ​​and needs, staying calm, and developing appropriate emotional intelligence can help us better deal with many of these often so frustrating situations.

After all, we all have complicated people in our lives, so let’s learn how to manage our relationships with them well in order to live better.

Our thoughts

Impatient people want life to hurry. Frustration and anger are then very present emotions in the lives of these people …