Stop Blaming Others And Take Back Control!

Blaming others and circumstances is an easy way to not take responsibility for yourself, and to shy away from what happens.

But it’s also the most effective way to lose control of your own life.

Many people need to put the blame on others and / or the circumstances, because it is by victimizing themselves that they are able to justify what is happening to them.

They don’t need to do anything then, they just have to complain and wait, as if that was enough.

“People always blame the circumstances. But I don’t believe in circumstances. The successful people in this world are the ones who stand up and seek the circumstances they want, and, if they can’t find them, then they do. ”

-George Bernard Shaw-

We need to find a cause

It is not easy to live in uncertainty. We need to stay in control and know that somehow the problem will eventually resolve itself.

So if the fault lies with the other, then so does the responsibility for solving the problem.

Finding someone to blame on can give us the feeling that a problem is solved once we really understand its cause and effect.

However, by throwing the blame on others, we stay out of the game, at the mercy of what may happen, without any ability to manage ourselves.

Take control of your own life with less blame on others

Some people feel emotionally satisfied when they share what they think about others, and verbalize how bad they think they are.

However, when speaking negatively about someone, it is most likely that the person receiving everything they say associates negativity with the person they are talking to.

This is called “the spontaneous transfer of character traits”.

You have to be a grown-up to accept and internalize your own responsibility for what happens.

It is not a question of taking on all the guilt if there are real people responsible, but rather of being able to accept responsibility when there is one.

If it’s all one person’s fault, then what role can I play in my own life? Are my actions really of no consequence? Am I helpless?

Knowing that we can take our responsibility when things go wrong is also taking our responsibility when things go well.

We need to develop the capacity to be sufficiently objective about ourselves and to avoid assuming that we could have created problems on our own.

We also need to know the difference between accepting our responsibility and sanctioning ourselves.

Look for the cause, but not just any

If something doesn’t work, it’s easy to get creative and find a reason to blame another person.

We must learn to overcome this need to find those responsible.

We must tolerate the occasional uncertainty of not knowing who is to blame until we have a broader perspective on the situation.

We have to take our time; finding a culprit will not solve anything.

“When you’re young it’s easy to feel embarrassed and protest a lot of things, but then you realize that if you can control yourself it causes less problems.”

-Natsume Soseki-

You can only grow taller if you feed yourself properly

Being objective when recognizing a mistake is a way to improve and develop.

We don’t progress like human beings just to survive and love ourselves.

There is no shame in making a mistake or failing at something. Only correct feedback on the causes will allow us to benefit and improve.

We do not grow by dodging mistakes, but by analyzing the causes and recognizing weaknesses and limitations to find a solution.

Let go of the guilt and focus on doing things better

For some people, guilt is everything. But then what is left? Can we solve anything with this?

Let go of the guilt, and focus on your goal, on solving what you can and changing what it takes to get better and do things right.

“Blaming your mistakes on your nature does not change the nature of your mistakes.”

-Thomas Harris-