The Art Of Good Love Does Not Destroy Your Self-esteem, It Promotes It

The art of good love does not seek to flatter the ego. It is a psychic tendon which confers breath, support and respect. Wise love is not blind either, for the two people forming a couple look each other straight in the eyes in a mature and conscious way, and each wants the other to fly high without trying to tear off its wings, nor to flout her self-esteem.

They say that love is an art, that the fact of loving hides mysteries and facets where politeness, eroticism, the divine and the profane are mixed. We could undoubtedly let ourselves be carried away by all this cultural legacy that surrounds us, sometimes giving an unrealistic image of ourselves on this subject. Because love is not so much an art based on contemplation as on creation, on the effort and on the commitment of courageous people.

Let poets, cinema and literature build their own image of love. For in this vast ocean, no one is a captain; because on this inhospitable emotional continent, we are all just simple explorers. We know, for example, that sometimes loving can hurt, and although suffering should be forbidden in this area, we sometimes have to face it.

Far from living love in happiness, we often let go one by one the leaves of our dignity, and we even allow our self-esteem to remain worn out, like an old coat, dull and weakened by use… or abuse. We need to focus on this dimension from a wiser, more honest position.

In the rest of this article, we will explain how to do this.

Some people need and want to eat apples. They then plant a tree and, in no time, it offers its fruit. The pleasure is endless, and for several weeks, we enjoy the flavor of this fruit. For a time, we feel satisfied to be nourished without needing to provide any effort. However, when we move on to the next season, curiously, the beautiful apple tree no longer blooms, and no longer bears fruit. It begins to wither.

The same goes for romantic relationships; some people crave love, find it and enjoy it. However, they forget to nourish the roots of this exceptional and delicate bond. They violate their self-esteem, are expatriates of loyalty and courageous commitment. They are emotional wanderers looking for expiration date relationships.

On the other hand, there are the hungry who seek only one thing: support that can allow them to fill the void of their loneliness. These people consider love to be synonymous with comfort. They are looking, above all, for sewing kits that can allow them to pick up, by means of the thread of love, the unmade seams of their hearts. However, this is not good behavior. Because the art of a good love does not go through the cruel destruction of the self-esteem of the loved one.

As Erich Fromm said, if love was just a feeling or an emotion, the promise to love each other forever would not make sense. Because feelings come and go. To love is above all to give rise to an act of dignity towards oneself, but also towards one’s companion.

Far from seeing love “as a search” aimed at appeasing needs, fears and loneliness, we should rather see it as an encounter. After this unpremeditated discovery comes commitment, courage and genuine promise.

Often it is said that a happy, mature, conscious couple is one who succeeds in “being one while being two at the same time”. No doubt this is an ideal that we all covet, but… how do we get there? In love, there are no magic formulas, but a wise advice that also serves us all: before being two people united in the same project, we must be ourselves.

We must love each other without fear or concessions. Appreciate our individuality, but without ever falling into the abyss of the ego. This is the only way we will be able to save our self-esteem and promote that of the person we love.

In the rest of this article, we suggest you think about some basic strategies that can help you get there.

Healthy love always begins with oneself. Imagine for a moment what it must be like to love someone who hates themselves. Also imagine what it means to be with someone who is just looking to please you all day. Someone who offers you air when you need to breathe. Who, when you hurt yourself, wants to bleed for you.

• The delicate layers of a couple relationship hide the roots of our true being: all our deficiencies, our voids and our insecurities remain imbued in this entity, to the point of amplifying even more.
• We must be able to combine self-love with reciprocal love: one thing does not exclude the other, because to be in a couple is to have a heart and a breath. When one side of the heart remains weak, the breath of the other part fills it. He infuses her with energy, courage and more love. In turn, this half knows itself worthy of seeing him again because it loves itself.

The love that is born and that is created every day does not imply the loss of individuality. Nor does it imply having to give up on yourself in order to honor the other. To love is to reaffirm yourself in the company of the other person by allowing yourself to be different, while being alone in the same project.