The Effects Of Not Knowing How To Accept Defeat
Tools are needed to intelligently integrate gains and losses into our lives. Indeed, not knowing how to accept a defeat and not mastering the management of success can have very negative consequences.
Success measured on the basis of very precise parameters has almost become an obligation. It is then common that the fact of winning is equated with a duty which is then used as social proof. Meanwhile, losing is seen as a failure, even a shame. This is not the right approach.
In this context, it is difficult to learn to accept defeat. It sometimes becomes a factor that weakens enthusiasm and personal strength. Other times, it triggers obsessive behaviors that result in a wayward stubbornness that ends up leading to a vicious cycle of frustration.
Why is it difficult to accept defeat?
False beliefs explain why it is difficult to accept defeat. The first of these beliefs says that failure to achieve something directly equates to failure.
The truth is, there is a big distance between defeat and failure. Defeat is a completely natural setback; failure is an attitude. In general, a person who does not know how to accept a defeat presents the following difficulties:
- Intolerance of frustration. It is about the difficulty of assimilating that things do not go the way you want them to.
- False self-esteem. It is an evaluation of oneself in which the possibility of error or defeat is excluded. This self-esteem is said to be false because the person rejects their own vulnerabilities.
- System of values. Success is overrated, thus undermining other valuable aspects of development and life. Likewise, the result is valued much more than the process.
People who find it difficult to come to terms with defeat often feel a sense of false superiority. Therefore, when they do not achieve what they planned, the fiction they have constructed collapses.
Neurotic stubbornness
Not knowing how to accept a defeat causes frustrations that increase discomfort. Thus, the person who does not accept having lost the love of his partner is likely to try again and again an impossible reconciliation, at the same time that he risks seeing his desire again and again frustrated.
It’s also possible that she ends up being very hard on herself, demanding more of herself than she can give, and blaming herself.
This stubbornness does not allow him to acquire the learning that stems from his experience. It also exacerbates negative emotions, such as anger and sadness resulting from frustration. Thus, the person ends up stagnating due to his resistance to accepting reality.
Learn to lose
Defeat has tremendous value in life, from a psychological point of view. First, it puts a limit on the infantile narcissism with which we all start life. Knowing that not everything can be achieved, that not all wishes will be fulfilled is the basis on which the reality principle is built.
In addition, defeats are a great source of knowledge. From there, we discover our limits, our errors of appreciation and the coordinates of reality. They generate valid knowledge that can be used later for a new purpose. Science works like this: it advances on the basis of error.
Knowing how to accept defeat involves approaching it with curiosity and interest. No one likes to lose, but those who know how to do it overcome the feeling of frustration quite quickly and focus on the learning that comes with it. It’s paradoxical, but knowing how to lose is also a way to win.
Our thoughts Find out how it is possible to develop self-esteem by using the “just for today” technique on a daily basis.
