You Are An Incomplete Personality: Educate To Avoid Emotional Dependence
We tend to realize that addiction is a problem when we experience it up close or are involved… when we relate it to actual or potential suffering. But is it possible to educate to avoid emotional dependence? Can we prevent toxic relationships from education?
Human beings are dependent. We were born dependent. However, emotional dependence is a psychological condition that is a great source of discomfort for those who experience it. As social beings, we need each other. We are looking for contact, cooperation and exchange. We unite and build. However, it doesn’t always happen like this: sometimes we bond with someone, and while realizing that the relationship is destroying us, we feel the need to keep it going.
Who told you that your personality is not incomplete?
Means of communication, games, failed questions, folk tales, traditions, little thought out advice… They leave no doubt: we must establish a loving relationship to feel complete and complete. How to do otherwise?
It is no secret that we live in a society which, more or less consciously, reinforces relationships of dependence, disfiguring the ultimate meaning of a couple relationship: that of sharing and complementing each other out of love and not out of necessity. . Unfortunately, we tend to want to avoid emotional addiction when we are suffering, or have suffered, or when we see those we love suffering.
The role of education in avoiding emotional dependence
The role models and experiences we received in early childhood serve as a benchmark for avoiding the world and relationships. A child who has not learned how to receive affection in a suitable way for himself and those around him may feel a little lost in this area as an adult and continue to try to obtain it in a suitable way. awkward. Likewise, it is likely that children who grow up with parents who know how to control, deal with and talk about their emotions end up being much harder in this area.
In this sense, educating to avoid emotional dependence is, in addition to healthy, possible. To claim that children will grow up to be independent adults is unrealistic if they are not encouraged to do so. When a baby is born, its addiction is total. However, the progressive autonomy that he will acquire will depend on his education.
How to educate to avoid emotional dependence?
The psychoanalyst John Bowlby developed the theory of attachment to explain the emotional bond that is created between the baby and his parents. This author argued that a form of attachment begins to form in childhood, but that this formation continues throughout life. Of course, the kind of attachment that little ones and little ones weave with their reference persons will, in a way, form the basis of their emotional development.
Therefore, promoting secure attachment in early childhood will be the key to avoiding toxic relationships generated by addiction. This emotional bond will be the place where children learn that exploring the world and its intricacies is compatible with their parents’ feelings of love, trust and security.
Some guidelines for educating resilient children and avoiding emotional dependence:
- Show affection. Expressing loving words and gestures to children with love makes them feel loved. Only this way will they be able to explore knowing they have a safe haven to protect themselves if they need it.
- Expressing emotions. Expressing what we feel and why we feel it helps children develop empathy. In addition, they understand that emotions are human and that nothing happens when they feel sad or angry. Identifying what he feels will allow greater self-knowledge, as well as better modulating behavior. Far from what has been thought for decades, the success of children is conditioned more by their emotional intelligence than by their intellectual capacity .
- Be available. There’s no point spending a lot of time with kids if you don’t play with them or pay attention to their needs. Children need to know that their parents are there (even if they are not) and that they are sensitive to their needs.
- Promote autonomy and decision-making. Encouraging children to make their own decisions allows them to trust their own standards. Stimulating their curiosity and resolving conflicts makes them more capable and confident.
- Ensure security and trust. When we reward their progress and support them in new endeavors, they develop a positive image of themselves. It’s how we make children feel competent. In addition, when we accompany them through falls and give them confidence to try again, we value values such as consistency or perseverance.
- Take care of yourself. Do not neglect yourself in order to take care of the children. We must find and transmit this balance, showing them that it is they who must first be concerned with meeting their own needs. It is not uncommon to observe parents who regularly give up their hobbies or moments of relaxation. We sometimes see guilt appear, as if leisure is incompatible with being good parents. It is essential to be aware of this. Different studies have confirmed that parents’ emotional dependence on their children has negative effects that are difficult to reverse.
Therefore, if we understand that educators are the direct example for children, the importance of having good role models is evident. If we are looking to educate children who will not be emotionally dependent, it would be good to start by educating children who know, love and value each other. Maybe we should know each other, love each other, and value each other more (or better). This can be a good time to remember that we are capable, that we are not half of anything… because we are whole beings. Then, from there, we can teach the difference between need and love… Thus complete, we will be freer.
Our thoughts In a household, it is important to forge strong family bonds, based on trust, respect and empathy.
